Opinions expressed in this column are those of the contributors and not necessarily those of SW.
SNATCHING DEFEAT OUT OF THE JAWS OF VICTORY
MOHAMUD SIAD TOGANE firstname.lastname@example.org
According to a Habar Gidir friend of mine
the nineties had been the decade of the Il-jex!
In the Nineties
Somalis were divided
into two categories,
into two classes,
into two clans,
into two groups,
into two major tribes,
into two teams :
winners and losers;
to put it in clannish terms--
those lucky enough
to have been born
those who wish they were
right now of all people,
in an epic movie called
"BLACK HAWK DOWN,"
it is the Americans
who have decided
the cursed cussedness,
the fearless heroism,
the incredible pride
of the Habar Gidir,
of their hard cruel and cockeyed eyes
that never blink,
come hell or high water;
their utter contempt for death
when they were fighting for a just Somali cause.
The Americans had no business trying
who was going to rule them
how they were going to rule themselves.
The Habar Gidir heroes taught
dumb Yankee Doodle Dandy
a lesson he will never forget!
That lesson is called
the Somali syndrome
the Mogadishu Line-
that is the line the Habar Gidir lions drew
in the hot Somali sand
daring the dumb Americans to cross!
When they did,
not only did Gidir kick their fat American asses
out of Somalia;
Gidir also dragged
their naked hairy honky heinie
in the dirt
in the back alleys of Mogadishu
in broad day light
ON LARRY KING LIVE!
with the whole world watching
agog at Mog!
Hollywood in cahoots with the Pentagon made the film
BLACK HAWK DOWN
so that America
can snatch at least
of the appearance
of guts and glory and patriotic gore
if not the full flavor,
at least a whiff
of the perception
out of the jaws
of the abject defeat they were dealt
at the hands of the young Habar Gidir lions.
But it is all in vain;
everybody knows what happened;
regardless of how you spin it,
as the book BLACK HAWK DOWN clearly and cogently chronicles it;
as Keith Richburg's book
OUT OF AMERICA
bears witness to it
the Americans came to Mog
spoiling for a fight,
ready to rock
ready to roll
ready to kick ass;
not only were their white asses
kicked and whipped
by rude and rough black Habar Gidir boys,
their honky naked white asses
were also dragged down the dusty streets of Mogadishu
for all the world to watch!
It was not a withdrawal
it was a rout!
When Richburg used the word
to describe the ignoble American defeat,
the "U.S. commander,
Maj. Gen. Thomas Montgomery,
was so angry he refused my request
for a final interview."
Talk about being graceless gutless sore losers!
When it comes to being sore losers,
There is nobody like the Yankees!
So unlike the British,
who have class!
when they are defeated!
Who never tried
like the Yankees
to make a silk purse
out of the abject defeat of a sow's ear!
the poet of British Imperialism,
celebrated the courage of their enemy, "
"We've fought with many men acrost the seas,
An' some of 'em was brave an' some was not;
The Paythan an' the Zulu an' Burmese;
But the Fuzzy was the finest o' the lot. . So 'ere's to you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy .
You're a pore benighted 'eathen but a first-class fightin man;
An' 'ere to you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, with you 'ayrick 'ead of 'air-
You big black boundin' beggar---
for you broke a British square!"
who more than frightened off the British
was from the Sudan;
our Somali Fuzzy-Wuzzy
the Habar Gidir!
when it comes to fighting
he is indeed the finest of the lot
a first class fighting man!
The Habar Gidir Fuzzy-Wuzzy
broke the American square,
broke the Yankee pride,
broke the American face
by spitting in its ugly imperialistic mug!
broke the American fighting spirit!
Habar Gidir heroes
ran the Americans,
the Darod out of Mogadishu
and humbled and humiliated
every Somali clan!
Our Somali Gidir Fuzzy-Wuzzy
is even more zealous
in the pursuit of war
than even the storied Zulu!
What do the Habar Gidir want?
What are they after?
What have they been fighting for?
What have they been dying for?
According to Keith Richburg
"the Habar Gidir think
it is their turn
to rule Somalia."
let them rule Somalia;
let them rule us;
Are they not Somalis?
But I doubt
that they really want
to rule Somalia:
Ali Khaleef Galayrd,
the best expert at legitimization,
tried his best
to facilitate Gidir rule in Somalia---
to no avail!
With a Harvard Kennedyesque accent,
Galayrd was about to win
from the American government
for the Habar Gidir Arta regime in Mogadishu,
when Ina Salad Boy
yanked the rug from under Galayrd's feet
out of power
out of Hutu Hawiye Mogadishu
back to dirty Darodland!
Back to Las Anod!
when bad SALAD BOY began
to dig his own political grave
doomed his chance forever
of ever being embraced,
of ever being accepted by the Americans!
That fact alone made it crystal clear
to the rest of the thinking world
that Gidir Fuzzy-Wuzzy
in ruling Somalia!
All that the Habar Gidir Fuzzy-Wuzzy
want to do
Snatch this house!
Snatch that farm!
Snatch that purse!
Snatch the snatch of that nubile woman!
now when we are all helplessly watching
as the Habar Gidir Fuzz-Wuzzy
are busy snatching abject defeat
out of their glorious and great Somali victory
over arrogant arrant American racism!
Keith Richburg observes:
"In Africa things stay the same
until they fall apart!"
that is exactly what is happening
to the Habar Gidir;
slowly but surely
they are on their way out!
Whereas before they were one united powerful juggernaut
that bulldozed out
and plowed under
that stood in their blind way
to their nirvana of Bililiqsi;
now they are weak
they are divided against each other
with Hussein Aideed
in villa Somalia
with a wife from the Cayr,
with another wife from his own Sa'ad,
with yet another wife from the Salayman,
with yet another wife from the Duthuble!
But even this politics of his generous penis,
this politics of the greedy lusty goat,
the politics of the young Sa'ad lion and his Habar Gidir pride,
even these political marriages of convenience failed
to glue Habar Gidir unity together.
All that Osman caato
all that he is preoccupied with
how can I enjoy
all this wealth
all this Somali national patrimony
I have looted
Ina Salad Boy
never had it so good!
This Mexican stand-off;
this status quo
suits him and his cronies just fine!
So it is just a matter of time
before the decline and the fall of our Gidir Fuzzy-Wuzzy
really sets it
really bottoms out,
before things begin to fly apart
and then Habar Gidir will be reduced
to an ordinary
to a normal Somali clan
like the Murusade,
like the Majerten!
to Somali politics
as the Omar Mahmud!
For 15 minutes,
on the world stage
in the book and the film "Black Hawk Down"
the Habar Gidir proved Farah Gololay wrong:
it is the Majerten
who are 5 minutes to Habar Gidir!
Just like the Marehan and the Majerten
whining out of sight,
out of sound,
thrown off their high horse
of the pornography of Somali power,
so will the Habar Gidir Fuzzy-Wuzzy
whimper and whine,
humbled and humiliated
tumbling right now
in front of our eyes
off the high horse
of the of pornography of Somali power!
That is the way things end up in our Somalia;
no need to demonize the Habar Gidir Fuzzy-Wuzzy:
there is no Somali clan
than the Habar Gidir Fuzzy-Wuzzy:
all Somalis are now Habar Gidir Fuzzy-Wuzzy!
Again as that astute black American writer,
Keith Richburg noted:
"There aren't good guys,
just varying gradations of evil"
and ill-jex in our Somalia!
to borrow the words of V. S. Naipaul,
the Nobel laureate in literature in his
"In a Free State",
for this dark occasion,
for this not so dandy occasion,
for this silly
for this sad
for this Somali occasion---
there's good and bad everywhere.
There's no good and bad here.
They're just Africans."
They're just Habar Gidir!
They're just Il-jex!
They're just silly sad Somalis!
MOHAMUD SIAD TOGANE