Thank you, President Bush for your Eid greetings, we are
indeed greatly indebted. And thank you for telling us,
one more time, that your new war is not against Islam
and Muslims.
12/11/2002 - Political - Article Ref: IV0212-1804
By: Dr. Muzaffar Iqbal
Iviews* -
Thank
you, President Bush for your Eid greetings, we are
indeed greatly indebted. And thank you for telling us,
one more time, that your new war is not against Islam
and Muslims. It was time that you reminded us that we
should not take the B-52 bombers showering bombs on our
cities so personally. Indeed, the six Iraqis who died on
the first day of December are not to be counted among
the dead; they were illegal combatants, working in an
oil factory.
As
Muslims, we are grateful to you for all the food
packages that were sent down from the Afghan skies
during the last year. Had we been the children of
Israel, it would have reminded us of our great past when
Manna and Salva was sent down by God. Let me assure you,
Mr. President, American peanut butter tastes so good
that our Afghan children became so keen to pick up the
food packages that they could not even distinguish
between the food packages and thousands of canister
bombs that your B-52 bombers left behind in their
wasteland. But, of course, it was their bad luck; we
will just add them to the list of collateral damage.
That way, we will not have to go through the tedious
ritual of calculating the number of dead.
I am
sorry to hear that things are not going well back home.
Some unpatriotic Americans have started to ask questions
about your war of terror, excuse me, war on terror. They
ask for results for the 40 billion dollars you so
graciously and hurriedly sanctioned for the great war.
That little audio cassette that recently surfaced at the
Al-Jazeera did not help much, I suppose. Although you
have the Al-Jazeera's Kabul correspondent firmly locked
up in a cage at camp X-ray (and thank God, the
international union of journalists has not made a peep
about him), this little island of a network keeps coming
up with trouble after trouble.
You
were, however, more successful with Herta
Daeubler-Gmelin, the German Justice Minister who so
rudely compared your new war policies to that of Adolf
Hitler; thank goodness, she was quickly sacked by
Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder for poisoning the
relations. I must also congratulate you on quickly
getting rid of Mme. Francoise Ducros, the Canadian Prime
Minister Jean Chretien's Director of Communications, who
so ungratefully called you a moron despite all the soft
lumber that American companies so cheaply buy from
Canada in order to help their economy.
Mr.
President, it is heartening to know that the new
Department of Homeland Security is finally off to a
grand start. With an operational budget of $37.5 billion
and nearly 170,000 federal employees, it should keep the
homeland secure. Just let no American walk out of your
great country without the protection of pilot-less
drones for streets of the world have become very
dangerous for them.
I hope
that with your ambassador in London so ardently standing
behind you in your war after war, it should not be
difficult to soon control all the unruly streets.
Whatever happened the other day in Amman should never be
allowed to happen again. I think it would not be a bad
idea to send a little congratulatory note to your
distant relative in Amman for taking care of the matter
so promptly. I hear the little town of Mann is also
grateful to you for bringing all the world attention to
this tribal region. The price those little rabbles had
to pay was not much, I suppose, compared to what the
Afghans have paid. It was merely a double digit number
that they lost. But we will not call it war against
Muslims; after all, it was their own king whose army was
doing the job.
Mr.
President, in your Eid greetings, you have rightly told
us that the new year is full of promises. We look
forward to the new ventures. Afghanistan is indeed
becoming a little too dull and although great news is in
store regarding Iraq, Hans Blix and his team of
inspectors are taking too long. Please hurry up or else
the current rating will start to go down and you know
very well how difficult it is to whip up the hysteria
once it has subsided.
You
know that anthrax cannot be used again to create fear.
(By the way, the little leak leading to the US military
was plugged very well and I sincerely hope that all
patriotic Americans will remember never to ask any
questions about anthrax.) So, what are we going to do
next time? How would you generate new waves of fear? I
suppose those little Napoleons in thousands of homeland
security offices would come up with something. Perhaps,
you should ask them to start cooking something like the
danger of a bio-engineered mosquito bringing a deadly
virus. That would be something!
It is
my sincere hope, Mr President, that in the new year, you
will not be so lenient with men who keep bothering you
with their silly questions about Afghanistan. I was
shocked to read a report by one Robert Fisk who sketched
a graphic picture of little children being blown up in
the deserts of Khost. He also had the nerve to draw
world attention to the endless queue of mutilated
civilians sitting outside the hospital in Herat, hoping
to get an artificial leg. Likewise, people who keep
mentioning international laws, protocols and agreements
should be stopped from reminding the world that in your
war of terror (excuse my slip again, Mr. President), you
have not even spared ambassadors. No one has the right
to remind the world that Ambassador Mullah Zaeef is
still locked up in a cage in Camp X-ray.
I am
glad to know that early in 2003, Germans will take
charge of the Afghan ordeal. It would be their boys who
would risk their lives for this grand show which, we all
know, will only last for as long as money keeps coming.
But I am afraid, Afghans are rather notorious for their
tenacity. There is little hope that what the Soviet
Union could not achieve with 140,000 men, we can achieve
without large-scale disasters soon erupting all over
this unruly land. Those who keep saying that the Afghan
adventure is headed for disaster should all be locked up
with the "illegal combatants". (By the way, that was an
excellent invention for which its inventor should be
amply rewarded.)
That
reminds me to say that events like the appearance of
those four pictures of C-130 planes carrying their human
cargo to Camp X-ray should not be allowed to happen
again. They do bring the specter of war crimes being
launched in some court, somewhere in the world although
you have rightly declined to sign the international
charter which would put the American soldiers in risk.
But the images of those shackled men, which recently
flashed on millions of computer screens around the
world, was not nice, to say the least.
I am
also sad to know that some
Edward Saids are still around. They keep talking
about an impossible linkage: the suffering of
Palestinians, so carefully crafted by a 2.1 billion
dollar annual aid to Israel and numerous supplements.
They have maps, numbers and pictures which they keep
showing to the world. The appearance of a new great wall
here, barbed fences there, burned olive orchards,
destroyed homes, pieces of dead bodies scattered on
streets, made-in-America gun ships and helicopters
bombing the refugee camps. Of course, your war is not
against Muslims and certainly there is no link between
the suffering of Palestinians and the catastrophes
Americans continue to experience abroad. No, the world
should accept the verdict of your "man of peace" who
looks forward to his new term which will complete the
task of fortification of Israel.
And
finally, let me close by thanking you, once again, Mr.
President, for the opportunity you so graciously
provided to some of our Muslim brothers and sisters to
come and visit you and Laura at the White House at the
beginning of the month of Ramadan. That great occasion
will always be remembered by them and their children and
their children. They are eternally grateful to you and
Laura. I am sure you also value their friendship because
they the harbingers of an intellectual northern alliance
you so desperately need at this time. With all the best
wishes for your new year adventures I am, yours
sincerely.
Dr
Muzaffar Iqbal is a freelance writer
muzaffar_i@hotmail.com