THE DAROD FIRE BACK
Mohamud Togane togane@earthlink.net
Civilized peoples of the world talk
tactics and strategies
ideas and ideologies,
principles and personalities
parties and platforms
philosophies and filibustering
prophesies and pontifications
in their political discourse,
but savages like us Somalis talk
dirt
garbage
&
the trash of tribalism
whenever we engage in
how we ought to govern ourselves.
In my last piece
posted in both Balcad and Banadir, (entitled,
The Phenomenon Called Al-hajji Mudane Muse Soodi
Yellahow)
apparently I have stepped on Darod toes.
I did so deliberately.
I was running an experiment:
I wanted to see what would happen if I repeated
and aired publicly
some heinous Abgal trashy ideas
regarding the Darod
that the Abgal whisper behind closed secure doors
among the already converted and convinced bigots
and bores of the Abgal.
I did not have to wait long
before the Darod began
to shoot back
to fire back
from the lip
from the hip
from the hoof
from the roof
from the belt
below the belt
fast and furiously,
round after round
salvo after withering salvoes!
Another reason which compelled me
to commit the ugly unctuous and gratuitous gaffes
I had,
striking
such strange & rich
graceless & strident & disharmonious notes
resonant of
redolent of
the vicious Darod-Hawiye civil war,
is that I got tired of my friends
chiding& teasing me all the time
about how I treat the Darod devils with kid gloves
while I constantly and mercilessly bash
the Hawiye and the Eedor dunces
in my oeuvre.
Apparently, I knew the right Darod buttons to
push;
apparently, I treaded on some really still sore
tender Darod wounds.
The reactions,
the responses,
the retorts,
the ripostes
I had received
which I had evoked
which I had invoked
which I had provoked
which I had elicited
from the Darod are indeed very revealing.
The Darod black cat is out of the bag!
Now we all know what the Darod really think of us,
the Abgal.
Here is the lowdown on the Abgal from the Darod!
The following reverberating thunderclap
by one who styles himself as
“caaqil” and “Dr Nasir”
is typical of the shells & the missiles
that had burst upon my Abgal bald pate
from the Darod arsenal!:
mr togane
i would have given you an answer if you were
at least HABARGIDIR but the fact that you are
abgal, you are not more than a donkey and remember
if we want have a deal with Hawiye we will talk to
SA'AD only, after all you are their property why
should i bother wasting my time talking to donkey
while i can talk to it's master
the simple fact is that you are not cutt out to
rule, but to be ruled, you don't have the genetic
make up that it takes for one to lead, like it or
not that is the fact about the abgal and i am sure
you know it deep inside but you just wanna make
noises like the donkey which you share the same
mentality
cad haduu carada kaaga dhaco
amase ciidoobo
caqli nimuu kuwaynyahay macuno calafka qaarkiiye
maxaan caalahaa kala hadlaa caaqil baan ahaye.
What is this Darod Caaqil
this Darod Doctor
trying to teach us about my clan, the Abgal?
First and foremost,
that the donkey is the tribal totem of the Abgal;
that therefore, the Abgal are as stupid as the
donkeys that they rear.
Which reminds me of this story:
During the heat of the mother of all battles
between the Abgal and the Habar Gidir,
A Habar Gidir Moriyan
in a Mad-Max battlewagon
sidled up to an Abgal donkey driver
all the while addressing the donkey thus:
“Waryaa, Ali Mahdi, get out of Aideed’s way!”
The Habar Gidir qat-chomping crazy Il-jex kept on
haranguing the donkey.
“Waryaa, Ali Mahdi, get out of Aideed’s way!”
Finally,
in exasperation,
the patient Abgal donkey driver declaimed:
“Please, don’t tire yourself,
you are talking to the wrong donkey:
this donkey is not Ali Mahdi;
this donkey is Aideed!
And Aideed is not only Gar-deed
(one who refuses and denies and is deaf to the
cries of Justice)
but also Ilaah-deed
(one who refuses and denies and is deaf to the
existence of Allah!)
The only thing this donkey Aideed hears and
respects is
bullets
whistling & whispering the dawn of his death!”
Four years later,
an Abgal death-rattling rude bullet booted Aideed
out of this world and
into the presence of Allah
who consigned Aideed to the place of honor in
Hell,
in Jahannama,
that Aideed so diligently worked for,
that Aideed so richly deserved!
The other Somali civil war incident that this
Darod Caaqil,
that this Darod Doctor reminds me goes like this:
A Jarayr or
Muqshabayl or
Addoan or
Madaxsabool
who was busy
working on
fixing
oiling
the weapons of mass destruction
for Aideed and
for his Habar Kintir Moriyaan was asked:
“Hey, why are you aiding and abetting the Habar
Gidir
to butcher the Abgal?
Don’t you know that you have more affinities with
the Abgal
than the nomadic mad Il-jex?”
The nigger-slave or
the Abd answered:
“You got to be crazy:
if Ali Mahdi and his Abgal donkeys become rulers,
who indeed shall be
ruled & used
& abused & misused
& manhandled & mismanaged!?”
Why this universal contempt for my clan, the
Abgal?
How did we, the Abgal, earn this universal Somali
contempt?
How do the enemies of the Abgal justify their
contempt for the Abgal
How do they rationalize away their contempt for
the Abgal?
During the Darod MOD tyranny & terror of Somalia,
I’d often hear this catechism:
Question: How would you know that Jaale Siyaad
the Darod Fiend had finally overcome
clan favoritism and created equality in Somalia?
Answer: When we would see
an Isaaq volunteer guulwade (victory pioneer):
an earnest Issaaq supporter of the Darod MOD
tyranny & terror,
an Abgal ambassador and
an unemployed Marehan.
The reason that my clan, the Abgal, were held in
universal Somali contempt
was that
because
we believed the Darod
when they had solemnly sworn to us
that we were all Moslem brothers and Somalis.
That is why the Abgal
and the late
and the lamented
Siad Togane
declared,
“Cawada Jaw Abgal!”
Only tonight am I Abgal! And never again!
He deigned affiliate himself with the Abgal, his
clan,
only for one single night
under duress,
under the torture of the Italian fascists,
risking all,
risking life & limb
holding tenaciously unto death
the honor & the dignity of his identity as
a Somali!
What did that finally get him
but
a Darod dictatorship and
a Hutu Hawiye holocaust!
He was the only Somali
in a savage sea of deceiving Darods & their Hawiye
dupes!
You see,
our enemies hold us Abgal in universal contempt
because
it is the silly habit of Somalis
to mistake Abgal goodness,
to mistake Abgal accommodating welcoming kindness
for weakness & stupidity.
Never again!
Now that we have
Nin Belaaya
( a man of disaster!
A bringer of disaster!
Al-hajji Mudane Musse Soodi Yellahow)
like every crazy Somali clan,
we, the Abgal,
are feared now,
are respected now
are courted ardently now
by the Il-jex
by the Jaaji!
Dear Darod Caaqil
Dear Darod Doctor Nasir
You had instructed us
that the tribal totem of my clan, the Abgal,
is the stupid Abgal donkey,
but you had forgotten to tell us
what the tribal totem of the Darod is;
pray let me tell you:
it is the hermaphrodite hyena!
For when the Darod is supine
in abject defeat,
she gives you
sweet pussy!
sweet booty!
But when the Darod is ascendant
in triumph,
he clobbers you with his big prick!
Or
To change the analogy:
the tribal totem of the Darod is the chameleon
which is capable of only
two ruses!
two disguises!
One:
When the Darod is in abject defeat,
he sports a long rosary,
true ornament by which we know a holy Somali
Sheikh,
pretending to be a divine deep in his devotion
(who has no use for this world!)
only to hide his naked villainy,
seeming a saint Sufi
when most he plays the Darod devil!
But
When the Darod is ascendant
in triumph,
he exposes his long Darod dong
ready and raring
to sink it
to bury it
to drown it
deep in every sassy saucy Somali seal cunt
five fathom full!
Now that the Darod know
what we, the Abgal, think of them
and vice versa,
I have no doubt
that this peculiar knowledge will lead
to understanding
to truth
to peace.
to bashbash
to barwaaqo
For there cannot be a lasting peace
without some harsh airing of the truth.
Let the healing begin!
I am done with bashing in the brain of the Darod!
For their forbearing indulgence
I thank all my Darod
Brothers
Sisters
Friends
Affines
Agnates
Cognates
Bearing always in mind
That Somali dictum
That whenever the Darod eat dung
The rest of the Somali nation will feast on feces!
And that, sadly, is what is happening right now!