THE DAROD FIRE BACK
Mohamud Togane togane@earthlink.net

Civilized peoples of the world talk 
tactics and strategies
ideas and ideologies, 
principles and personalities 
parties and platforms
philosophies and filibustering 
prophesies and pontifications
in their political discourse, 
but savages like us Somalis talk 
dirt
garbage
&
the trash of tribalism 
whenever we engage in 
how we ought to govern ourselves. 
In my last piece 
posted in both Balcad and Banadir, (entitled, 
The Phenomenon Called Al-hajji Mudane Muse Soodi
Yellahow) 
apparently I have stepped on Darod toes. 
I did so deliberately. 
I was running an experiment: 
I wanted to see what would happen if I repeated
and aired publicly 
some heinous Abgal trashy ideas 
regarding the Darod 
that the Abgal whisper behind closed secure doors 
among the already converted and convinced bigots
and bores of the Abgal. 
I did not have to wait long 
before the Darod began 
to shoot back
to fire back 
from the lip
from the hip
from the hoof
from the roof
from the belt 
below the belt
fast and furiously, 
round after round
salvo after withering salvoes! 
Another reason which compelled me 
to commit the ugly unctuous and gratuitous gaffes
I had, 
striking 
such strange & rich 
graceless & strident & disharmonious notes 
resonant of 
redolent of 
the vicious Darod-Hawiye civil war, 
is that I got tired of my friends 
chiding& teasing me all the time 
about how I treat the Darod devils with kid gloves
while I constantly and mercilessly bash 
the Hawiye and the Eedor dunces
in my oeuvre.
Apparently, I knew the right Darod buttons to
push;
apparently, I treaded on some really still sore
tender Darod wounds. 
The reactions, 
the responses, 
the retorts,
the ripostes  
I had received 
which I had evoked 
which I had invoked 
which I had provoked 
which I had elicited 
from the Darod are indeed very revealing. 
The Darod black cat is out of the bag! 
Now we all know what the Darod really think of us,
the Abgal. 
Here is the lowdown on the Abgal from the Darod! 
The following reverberating thunderclap 
by one who styles himself as 
“caaqil” and “Dr Nasir” 
is typical of  the shells & the missiles 
that had burst upon my Abgal bald pate
from the Darod arsenal!:  
   mr togane 
      i would have given you an answer if you were
at least HABARGIDIR but the fact that you are
abgal, you are not more than a donkey and remember
if we want have a deal with Hawiye we will talk to
SA'AD only,  after all you are their property why
should i bother wasting my time talking to donkey
while i can talk to it's master  
the simple fact is that you are not cutt out to
rule, but to be ruled,  you don't have the genetic
make up that it takes for one to lead,  like it or
not that is the fact about the abgal and i am sure
you know it deep inside but you just wanna make
noises like the donkey which you share the same
mentality 
cad haduu carada kaaga dhaco
 amase ciidoobo 
caqli nimuu kuwaynyahay macuno calafka qaarkiiye 
maxaan caalahaa kala hadlaa caaqil  baan ahaye. 
What is this Darod Caaqil 
this Darod Doctor 
trying to teach us about my clan, the Abgal?
First and foremost, 
that the donkey is the tribal totem of the Abgal; 
that therefore, the Abgal are as stupid as the
donkeys that they rear. 
Which reminds me of this story: 
During the heat of the mother of all battles
between the Abgal and the Habar Gidir, 
A Habar Gidir Moriyan 
in a Mad-Max battlewagon 
sidled up to an Abgal donkey driver 
all the while addressing the donkey thus: 
“Waryaa, Ali Mahdi, get out of Aideed’s way!”
The Habar Gidir qat-chomping crazy Il-jex kept on
haranguing the donkey.
“Waryaa, Ali Mahdi, get out of Aideed’s way!”
Finally, 
in exasperation, 
the patient Abgal donkey driver declaimed:
“Please, don’t tire yourself, 
you are talking to the wrong donkey: 
this donkey is not Ali Mahdi; 
this donkey is Aideed! 
And Aideed is not only Gar-deed 
(one who refuses and denies and is deaf to the
cries of Justice)
but also Ilaah-deed 
(one who refuses and denies and is deaf to the
existence of Allah!) 
The only thing this donkey Aideed hears and
respects is 
bullets 
whistling & whispering the dawn of his death!” 
Four years later, 
an Abgal death-rattling rude bullet booted Aideed 
out of this world and 
into the presence of Allah 
who consigned Aideed to the place of honor in
Hell, 
in Jahannama, 
that Aideed so diligently worked for, 
that Aideed so richly deserved!
The other Somali civil war incident that this
Darod Caaqil, 
that this Darod Doctor reminds me goes like this:
A Jarayr or 
Muqshabayl or 
Addoan or 
Madaxsabool 
who was busy 
working on  
fixing 
oiling 
the weapons of mass destruction 
for Aideed and 
for his Habar Kintir Moriyaan was asked:
“Hey, why are you aiding and abetting the Habar
Gidir 
to butcher the Abgal? 
Don’t you know that you have more affinities with
the Abgal 
than the nomadic mad Il-jex?”
The nigger-slave or
the Abd answered: 
“You got to be crazy: 
if Ali Mahdi and his Abgal donkeys  become rulers,
who indeed shall be 
ruled & used 
& abused & misused 
& manhandled & mismanaged!?”
Why this universal contempt for my clan, the
Abgal? 
How did we, the Abgal, earn this universal Somali
contempt? 
How do the enemies of the Abgal justify their
contempt for the Abgal
How do they rationalize away their contempt for
the Abgal?
During the Darod MOD tyranny & terror of Somalia, 
I’d often hear this catechism:
Question: How would you know that Jaale Siyaad
the Darod Fiend had finally overcome 
clan favoritism and created equality in Somalia?
Answer: When we would see 
an Isaaq volunteer guulwade (victory pioneer): 
an earnest Issaaq supporter of the Darod MOD
tyranny & terror,  
an Abgal ambassador and 
an unemployed Marehan.
The reason that my clan, the Abgal, were held in
universal Somali contempt 
was that 
because 
we believed the Darod 
when they had solemnly sworn to us 
that we were all Moslem brothers and Somalis. 
That is why the Abgal 
and the  late 
and the lamented 
Siad Togane 
declared, 
“Cawada Jaw Abgal!”
Only tonight am I Abgal! And never again!
He deigned affiliate himself with the Abgal, his
clan,  
only for one single night 
under duress, 
under the torture of the Italian fascists, 
risking all, 
risking life & limb
holding tenaciously unto death 
the honor & the dignity of his identity as 
a Somali! 
What did that finally get him 
but 
a Darod dictatorship and 
a Hutu Hawiye holocaust! 
He was the only Somali 
in a savage sea of deceiving Darods & their Hawiye
dupes!
You see, 
our enemies hold us Abgal in universal contempt 
because 
it is the silly habit of Somalis 
to mistake Abgal goodness, 
to mistake Abgal accommodating welcoming kindness 
for weakness & stupidity. 
Never again! 
Now that we have 
Nin Belaaya 
( a man of disaster! 
A bringer of disaster! 
Al-hajji Mudane Musse Soodi Yellahow) 
like every crazy Somali clan, 
we, the Abgal, 
are feared now, 
are respected now 
are courted ardently now 
by the Il-jex 
by the Jaaji!
Dear Darod Caaqil
Dear Darod Doctor Nasir
You had instructed us 
that the tribal totem of my clan, the Abgal, 
is the stupid Abgal donkey, 
but you had forgotten to tell us 
what the tribal totem of the Darod is; 
pray let me tell you: 
it is the hermaphrodite hyena! 
For when the Darod is supine 
in abject defeat, 
she gives you 
sweet pussy!
sweet booty!
But when the Darod is ascendant 
in triumph, 
he clobbers you with his big prick!
Or 
To change the analogy: 
the tribal totem of the Darod is the chameleon 
which is capable of only 
two ruses!
two disguises!
One:
When the Darod is in abject defeat, 
he sports a long rosary, 
true ornament by which we know a holy Somali
Sheikh, 
pretending to be a divine deep in his devotion 
(who has no use for this world!) 
only to hide his naked villainy, 
seeming a saint Sufi 
when most he plays the Darod devil!
But
When the Darod is ascendant 
in triumph, 
he exposes his long Darod dong 
ready and raring 
to sink it 
to bury it 
to drown it 
deep in every sassy saucy Somali seal cunt 
five fathom full!
Now that the Darod know 
what we, the Abgal,  think of them 
and vice versa, 
I have no doubt 
that this peculiar knowledge will lead 
to understanding 
to truth 
to peace. 
to bashbash
to barwaaqo
For there cannot be a lasting peace 
without some harsh airing of the truth. 
Let the healing begin!
I am done with bashing in the brain of the Darod!
For their forbearing indulgence
I thank all my Darod 
Brothers 
Sisters
Friends
Affines
Agnates 
Cognates
Bearing always in mind 
That Somali dictum
That whenever the Darod eat dung
The rest of the Somali nation will feast on feces!
And that, sadly, is what is happening right now!