WHAT SA-EED SAID TO ME
(For Mom & Dad on their Fiftieth Wedding Jubilee: Wednesday, October
30,
2002)
We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time
—T.S. Eliot
Belief in God is autobiographical;
it has to come from our experience.
…in finding that God,
I have both the shock of
something
utterly familiar
and
the thrill of discovery.
—Susan
Cheever
Awliyo Alla iyadaa is af taqaan:
Saints of Allah dig each other
Saints of Adonai daven with each other
Saints of God speak to each other
In the same tongue
In Truth
In Spirit
And never ever need
No interpreter
No translator.
—A Somali saying
In every cry of every man,
In every infant's cry of fear,
In every voice,
In every ban,
The mind-forged manacles I hear.
—─William Blake
—I’ve heard
That you had gone back
Gone back
Back to the Wesselhoefts
Back to the Mennonites
Back to the Mennonite church
I’ve even heard now
That you belong now
To the Mennonite Fellowship of Montréal now
O Togane
Togane!
Wherefore art thou Mennonite?
What for now?
What on earth for now?
What is there in the back of your mind to get now?
What do you want to get back there this time now?
What is your brand new and improved angle this time now?
What is left back there for you to get now
Mister All-Get-And-No-Give?
As I all recall now
I am all sure now
That you had already gotten all
All out of them
All that you had intrigued for
All that you had needed
All that you had prayed for
All that you had wheedled
All that you had weaseled
All that you had wanted
All that you had waited for
All that you had had designs on
All that you had dreamed about
What is it this time you want back there to get now?
What had you forgotten back there to get now?
What had you gone back there for to get now
Mister All-Get-And-No-Give?
As I all recall now
I am all sure now
In 1959
In the benighted bush village of Mahaddei Wayn
You were lean
You were hungry
You were just skin & bones
Like one of those unfortunate famished skinny stray black cats
Of the flyblown market butcher stands
Of War-dheeg-lay
Where you were born
The Wesselhoefts fed you
The choicest
The juiciest
Roasted goat meat
From Burane restaurant
Until you became healthy
Until you became wealthy
Until you became
After Arfaye
The second finest fellow
The second fattest fellow
In scrawny scroungy mean Mogadishu
Until you became now
As fat as
As sleek as
One of the fat hippos of the Shabelle river of Mahddei Wayn
Until you became
As fat as two fat prosperous Lancaster Mennonite farmers
Fashioned together
Framed together
Fused together
You were thirsty
The Wesselhoefts gave you drink
You were a stranger
The Wesselhoefts took you in
And brought you up
As one of their very own offspring
You were naked
The Wesselhoefts clothed you
You were sick
The Wesselhoefts visited you
You were in anguish
Languishing
In the prison
Of Somali darkness
Of Somali ignorance
Of Somali arrogance
Of clannish silly suicidal Somali superstition
Of clannish silly suicidal Somali fake Moslem foolish fatal
fanaticism
The Wesselhoefts came
Taught you your ABCs
Educated you
In a jiffy
Open Sesame
Opened your eyes
Served you
Served your Somali kind too
Saved you too
From becoming
A Somali Taliban
A Somali Caliban
A Somali cannibal
A Somali calab
Like Afwayne
Like Aideed
Like Ali Mahdi
Like Ina sad Salad Boy
Like all their calab acolytes
Like all of the Somali savage scavengers
Endlessly squabbling now
Over the carcass of Somalia now
In the benighted bush village of Mahaddei Wayn
You connived
You conned
Out of the Mennonites
A scholarship
To the USA
To EMC:
To Eastern Mennonite College
You dared dream dreams
Of California
Of the Golden Gate
Of Salinas
Of Hartnell College
Of Monterey
Of Pacific Grove
Of Carmel-by-the-sea
Of John Steinbeck country
Of Ohio
Of the Buckeye State
You saw visions of
Your Mecca
Your America
The Wesselhoefts helped you live out
Your cowboy American dream
They had given you all
You had gotten all
All out of them
What is left back there for you to get now?
What had you gone back there for you to get now
Mister All-Get-And-No-Give?
As I all recall now
I am all sure now
You had even gotten from the Mennonites
You had even finagled from the Mennonites
A fair fine fat Mennonite wife
But just like a Red Indian Apache juicehead
But just like juicehead
Peter, Peter, pumpkin-eater
You just couldn’t keep her
You just couldn’t put her in a pumpkin shell
And keep her there very well
And keep her there sitting
Pleasingly plump pumpkin pretty
So
Mister All-Get-And-No-Give
What is left back there for you to get now?
What is it you want back there to get this time now?
What are you back there for to get this time now?
What is it this time now
You keen to get now?
You wanna get now?
Now
Mister All-Get-And-No-Give
When you gonna get it now
That you had gotten it all back there now
That there is nothing left back there for you to get anymore now?
So Sir John Barleycorn
So Sir John Falstaff
So pray tell us Sir
What are you back there for this time now
To get back there now
To get out of the Wesselhoefts now
To wheedle out of the Wesselhoefts now
To weasel out of the Wesselhoefts now
To mealy-mouth out of the Mennonites now
Mister All-Get-And-No-Give?
—Now Sa-eed
I am weak now
I am weary now
I am wasted now
I am soul sin-sick now
From my long sick American sojourn
From my long Prodigal Son’s journey
In that
Fat
Far
Far-out
Freak-out
Forgetful
Out of sight
God’s country called
America
My erstwhile Mecca
Of fresh fleshpots galore now
Of funny funky fun now
Of desperately forced frenetic frantic frenzied gaiety now
Of reefer madness now
Of ecstasy now
Of one for the road now
Of one for the ditch now
Of one for the drunk tank now
Of one for the morgue now
Now Sa-eed
Now finally
After long dead dirty dreary dreadful decades
I came to now
I am now
Unshackled
From the jinni juicehead
From my own mind-forged manacles
I came to myself now
I am back now
To this real Somali-Canuck now
To this rich Somali-Canuck imagination now
Dyed too deep in this deep Canuck snow now
I am awake now
I am as serene now
As His Serene Highness
The black Buddha his self
I am back to my real good Muslim Sufi Somali self now
I am of those who have surrendered to Allah now
I am happy because my God is the Lord now
The lord has made me a wise man now
Now as you know
“A wise man never loses anything if he have himself”
Now I have myself back now
Now I am back now
Now Sa-eed
It is true now
“The readiness is all”
Now I am ready now
Now Sa-eed
It is true now
The willingness is all now
Now I am willing now
All I need now
Is
The will to believe
The willingness to believe
That there is a balm in Gilead
To make my wounded Somali soul whole again
That there is a balm in Gilead
To heal my sin-sick Somali soul
All I need now
Is
To get to learn
That
“The great act of faith
Is
When a man decides
That he is not God”
That
“There is nothing stronger in the world
Than gentleness”
All I need now
Is
To get to learn
To let God’s Grace lead me now
Home now
Home free to Allah now
Home to a life of joy now
Home to a life of peace now
Home where I had started
Home to the holy Somali burning bush
That has not been consumed now
By our unholy fires of Somali clannish craziness
Home to the Wesselhoefts now
Home to the Mennonites now
Home to the Mennonite church now
Home to the Mennonite Fellowship of Montréal now
Home to Allah who is all now
Now Sa-eed
I am back there now
To get to learn this simple lesson now:
That I can’t give to Somalia what I haven’t got
That before I can straighten out the mess in Mogadishu
I must first straighten out the mess I made of my own life right
here in
Montreal
That before I can set Somalia straight
I must first set my own silly self straight
That before I can help put the dress of peace on poor naked Somalia
I must first rise up gratefully now
From my own sin-sick drunken bed
Where I love to play dead
And wake up
Resurrected
To the amazing grace of my God
To my own sweet peace with God
Now Sa-eed
I am back there now
To remember now
That
It now had been laid to my charge
By the Lord
To keep my own heart free
Of Habar Gidir hatred & despair
That
Like a silly Somali from Mugdi Mudug
I must not strain at a gnat
While swallowing the whole bloody clannish camel
That
I must not behold the mote in my brother Il-jeh’s eye
While not considering the beam that is in my own Hayow-Alasow eye
That
I must put my own house in order now
That
I must put my own life back together now
Before I attempt
Single-handedly
Putting back together our whole Somali Humpty Dumpty Homeland
That
I cannot help bring about peace
To Somalia
To my second mother
To my own native country now
While there is a fierce civil war raging within my own heart now
While I myself am a
Goner
Full of what is killing our country:
Qabeel qore qaat qamro qurun:
Kkkism kalashnikov kat crazywater corruption
Now Sa-eed
I am back there now
To get to learn
Not to get stuck in silly Somali clannish stupidity
Like Doctor No
Like Doctor Know-it-all
Like Doctor Stuck-up
From Mugdi Mudug
Who
Like Doctor No
Just loves to say
No to Doad Halala:
No to honest-to-goodness debate
No to heart to heart communion
No to heartfelt comity
No to honor
No to honesty
No to decency
No to sense
No to incense
No to innocence
No to sanity
No to sobriety
No to serenity
No to life
No to laughter
No to light
No to Allah
No wonder nothing grows in Mugdi Mudug
No wonder all the nay Sayers now
Who never say
Yes
To peace now in our heart-broken Somalia now
Who never say
Yes
To Allah now
All these nay Sayers now
Hail from merciless Mugdi Mudug
Now Sa-eed
I am back there now
To get to learn Blake’s lesson now
That opposition is true friendship
That I must create my own personal spiritual system now
Like this inspired one here now
Or be enslaved
By another man’s now
By Jerry Foulwell’s now
By ignorant fathead Frank Graham’s now
By Ina Sad silly Salad Boy
By the mad Mullahs of Mogadishu
Now Sa-eed
I am back there now
To get to learn
That every human response to I slam
Ought to be
Goethe’s ecstatic instinctive spontaneous
“If this be Islam
Do we not then all live in Islam?”
Now Sa-eed
I am back there now
To get to learn
To get to learn Saint Bawa Muhaiyaddin’s lesson
That love is the credo now
That the universe is the Holy Book now
Now Sa-eed
I am back there now
To get to learn Kahlil Gibran’s lesson now
That “God made Truth with many doors
To welcome every believer who knocks on them” now
Now Sa-eed
I am back there now
To get to learn Rumi’s lesson now
That “the lovers of God have no religion but God alone”
That to go into the Muslim mosque now
That to go into the Jewish synagogue now
That to go into the Christian cathedral now
Is
To get to see the One and the very same altar
Is
To get to worship the One and the very same God
Now Sa-eed
I am back there now
To get to learn
Wilfred Cantwell Smith’s lesson now
That it is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit
That it is the unpardonable sin
For any tradition
For any religion
For any race
For any country
For any creed
For any color
For any clan
For any cult
For any crazy cur
For any con-artist
For any hotdog dogmatic dimwit
For any hireling
For any impostor
For any mountebank
For any “blind mouth”
To persist
To insist
To impose
To pose
As the sole last authority
As the sole last monopoly
As the only sole guardian of
As the only sole definer of
The God Almighty Truth
Now Sa-eed
I am back there now
To get to learn Rumi’s lesson now
That the mad Mullahs of Kabul are liars now
That the terrible Talibans of Tehran are worse than the Shah
That the late Ayatollah Khomeini was
Dodo dead wrong
That there is fun in Islam
That there is love in Islam
That there is light in Islam
That there is laughter in Islam
That the sordid sodomites of the sleazy House of Saud
Are slandering Islam now
Are rendering Islam now
Null & void
Nugatory
Stagnant
Backward
Primitive
Passé
Putrid
When they teach falsely saying
The Prophet said:
“Every novelty is an innovation
Every innovation is an error
Every error leads to Hellfire”
What a crazy cruel creed!
Now wonder
Our gentle Prophet Muhammad
The friend & brother of Jesus warned:
“Islam began as a stranger
And will become once more as a stranger.”
No wonder Islam
Is
As a stranger now in sick Somalia
Now Sa-eed
I am back there now
To get to learn Rumi’s lesson now
That to know my Lord now
Is
To remember now
How I was
Who I was
What I was
Where I was
When I was lost
When I was adrift
Before the advent of His Amazing Grace upon me now
Now Sa-eed
I am back there now
To get to learn the lesson of America’s Poet now
To get to learn Walt Whitman’s Persian Sufi Lesson now
To surrender to this ultimate reality now
That the urge of every believer
That the spur of every life now
That the central urge of every creature now
That the central spur in every atom now
Is
To return to Allah now
Who is
All
All
Allah
Allah
Now Sa-eed
I am back there now
To get to to learn
That prayer to Allah
Restrains me
From indecency
From Evil
That Allah loves
Those who do good
Now Sa-eed
I am back there now
To get to to learn
To know Him now
To get it this time now
To get this time now
The first
The last
The best
To get to hear now
Again & again
Ma
Pa
Tell me now
Again & again
What they had already told me
What they had already taught me
So long ago
In the benighted bush village of Mahaddei Wayn
The Old, Old sanative Story
Of Jesus
Of His Love
Of His Amazing Grace now
On his here Togane Prodigal Son
Of John 3:16 now
Of COME unto me now
All ye that labor now
And are heavy-laden now
And I will give you rest now
Of take my yoke upon you now
And learn of me now
To be as impeccable as I am now
For I am gentle now
For I am ever full of forgiveness now
For you will find rest unto your homesick sin-sick souls now
For my yoke is easy now
For my burden is light now
Now Sa-eed
I am back there this time now
To get to really listen now
To get to really learn now
To really get it all in my heart now
To get to take it all in my heart now
To really get to hear now
Ma
Pa
And their glowing hearts
Rejoicing now
In Jesus now
And tell their raptures all abroad now
Now Sa-eed
I am back there now
To really get to hear them now
Sing
“Filled with His goodness,
Lost
In His love”
In rapture
Telling their raptures all abroad now
As they had done so
So long ago
Like their fellow Mennonite martyred missionary brother now
Like Merlin Russell Grove now
In the benighted bush village of Mahaddei Wayn
O happy day now!
Now Sa-eed
Now
When I was a tosspot tossing back tot after tot
When I was a sot
I staggered as a sot
I spoke as a sot
I understood as a sot
I thought as a sot
But now that I am sober
O happy day now!
I’d put away all silly sottish things
So now Sa-eed
Now that I am sober now
I live by Junnaiyd’s dictum now
That “there is a sobriety
That contains all drunkennesses,
But there is no drunkenness
That contains all sobriety”
Now I am sold
Now I am now decided
Now I am now dedicated
Now I am now devoted
To this sane search of that same sane sanative sacred solid sobriety
So now Sa-eed
Now I see God clearly
Calling me home now
Urging me to return to Him now
As my mothers
Leota Wesselhoeft
&
Hawa Isse Alasow
Would urge me to return home to Him now
Now Sa-eed
Now I don’t footle
Now I don’t fret
Now I am no longer a goof-off
Now I am no longer a dummkopf
Now I am no phony now
Now I am somebody now
Now I no longer wonder
Now I no longer wander
Now I am no longer
Alone
Lonely
Lonesome
Marked
Like the Somali Cain
Lost
Adrift
In sad exile
Wondering
Wandering
All over the face of the earth
Sailing the seven wild wide seas
Like Sinbad the Sailor
Lost
Adrift
In sad exile
Now Sa-eed
Now my soul is anchored
In Allah now
In His haven of rest now
O happy day now!
Now I am at peace
Now I am at rest
Now rest
Now rest my long-divided heart
Now rest fixed in this blissful Allah center rest,
Now Sa-eed
Now ’tis done
Now the great transaction’s done
Now I am my Lord’s
Now He is mine
Now He daily draws me on
Now I daily follow on
Now I am daily charmed to confess His voice divine
O happy day now!
That fixed my choice now
On Thee
My Savior
My God
Now I am home
Home to hope
Home to myself
Home to Hargaysa
Home to Mogadishu
Home to Merca
Home to my kingdom by the sea
Home to sobriety
Home to serenity
Home to sanity
Home where I belong
Home where I am somebody
Now Sa-eed
Now that I’d arrived back there where I’d started
Now I know the place for the first time now
Now I know Somalia for the first time now
Now I know Somalis for the first time now
Now I know Mennonites for the first time now
Now I am really back there home this time now
Charmed
Primed
Now really ready to rally all Somalis
Now ready to really hear
Now ready to really listen
To this inner voice
Divine
Within
Now to really get it
Now to really get to hear
Ma
Pa
Now tell me again with their welcoming glowing hearts
Now tell me so often
For I forget so soon
Now tell me
Again & again
The Old, Old sanative Story of
Christ Jesus now
Now makes you whole
Now makes me whole
O happy day now!
Now the Lord has chosen me
Now the Lord has ordained me
Because He delights in me now
Now Lord I need Thee now
Every hour I need Thee
Now Lord teach me Thy will
Now Lord Thy rich promises in me fulfill now
O bless me now
My Father
My Mother
My Savior
I come to Thee now
Now Sa-eed
Now the Spirit of the Lord is upon me now
Now Lighting this fierce fire of faith within me now
Now readying me to really rally the Somali people now
Now abiding by me now
Now aiding me
Now abetting me
Now holding my hand
As I let this little light of mine shine now
On this love of my American parents now
Fifty years strong now
On this love of Leota & Carl Wesselhoeft now
On this their Fiftieth Wedding Jubilee now
Now Sa-eed
Now the Spirit of the Lord is upon me now
Guiding my hand now
As I pen this paean here now
Honoring here now
Celebrating here now
This consecration of this love of my parents now
This commitment of my parents to each other now
Fifty years strong now
In Sweet Jesus now
Who loved us all so very much now
That He had laid down His life for us all now
That his devoted Mennonite missionary disciple
Merlin Russell Grove
Laid down his life for the Somali people now
Now greater love than this hath no man now
So now Sa-eed
Now mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord
Inside Somalia now
Now I am here marching on
Lockstep with my Lord now
All the way to Merca
All the way to Mogadishu now
Now Sa-eed
Now
Do you now
Now yourself
Now really get it
From me now
From your now
Now you know
From your Mister All-Get-And-No-Give
Now now
Sa-eed…?
Mahamud Siad Togane
FINAL COMMENT UPON FINISHING THE PERFORMANDCE OF THE PIECE:
The finger of God never points where the hand of God isn’t somehow
making a
way. (Rev. Alvin Kibblle)
I am glad that the finger of God
pointed
back to Islam
back to the Wesselhoefts
back to the Mennonites
back to the Mennonite fellowship of Montreal!
And Imagine now
If you will now
not long ago at this exact hour
of every Sunday
on rue Napoleon
not far from here
I would be lying
sin-sick
in a drunken bed
playing dead!
And here I am now
preaching
this word of God now!
Yes!
There is power, power, wonder working power
In this love of Allah;
There is power, power, wonder working power
In this Mercy of Allah
in this Compassion of Allah
There is
Neither power
Nor strength
Except in Allah.
Mahamud Siad Togane